Hey! It's been a long time but this will probably be the last time I post on this blog. I will be moving on to a more purposeful blog with the intention of journalling! I won't delete this blog as it contain many memories for me, however it is highly probable that I won't be updating this blog anymore. If you are interested in reading my new blog, please contact me and ask me in person as it is extremely personal. Thank you for all who have been reading this blog so far, I really enjoyed this journey (: Good bye!


Hey blog! Am I glad to see you (: You are the only thing other than God I can be completely truthful to, because you're a good listener, you don't try to solve my problems, you don't judge me you just, accept :D Haha well time for another emotherapy~

Hmmm my first year of poly life just ended! Managed to somehow scrape through my final year examinations thank God and I'm enjoying my, truthfully speaking, undeserved holidays but whatever~ 6 weeks of goodness :3 Heh looking back I really think I severely overlooked this portion of my life, my academics, classmates, CCA, ECE society. I didn't try to build it, didn't care about it and well at the end of it I see that I've reaped what I've sown, nothing :/ No relationships to speak of, no knowledge gained, no achievement achieved... no legacy left behind :x It came to my attention that this is something God put in my life for a reason and I need to be faithful with it. It takes up a large portion of my life and I intend to get it right, be faithful in the little things and well I hope God will reveal the bigger things He intends for me in life~

I also started looking back at all the relationships I've ever had. Recently a friend have been talking about how she felt that she didn't have real friends, all the relationships she had were superficial. That's something I understand many teenagers struggle with and hopefully something I'll never have to. Anyway I realize that I too don't have a really wide circle of people I can share things with, not many people I can understand nor seek their understanding. I realize its not being authentic I struggle with, its actually caring about people. I find it hard to, putting it crudely, give a damn about things :/ I would rather just live my carefree life and that proves a setback in my building of relationships with people. I mean for me it's easy being authentic because thats something the church taught me since I was young, I have no problems opening up myself to others, even strangers because by the Grace of God I've never been hurt by anyone outside my family. But when I do want to share something that's really weighing on my heart I see the value in sharing it with someone I'm close to rather than just anyone. When I do look around... I finally understand what my friend was talking about with superficial relationships and stuff. I used to think that so long as I can have fun and talk crap with people they're my friends, if I do need to share something thats on my heart I can always turn to my leaders in church. But now I'm feeling the need for a peer to share things with, someone who doesn't have all the answers but struggles through it with me. I look at the people that I talk to, mainly girls because guys sharing stuff with each other would be gay X.x ( Okay for the church people, I know the church stand well, especially after the TLW sermon series but in all honesty, sharing emotions with females feels better :/ I'm sure you get what I mean. ) But looking at people that I talk to, I find that it is hard to relate to or talk deeply with any of them, even those I was once close with. Either she is in JC and will keep talking about JC life which I can't empathize with, or she is in poly and well I'm not close to anyone in poly, or someone from church which means she's probably younger than I am and I can't talk deeply with because I must carry myself well as a leader and protect member's hearts. And even for guy friends well theres only so much we can share before I cross the boundary of gayness so yeah... The only active social circle I have now is with church members and I only see them once or twice a week... Sooo yup, I have no life~ I'm just hoping I can someday find someone that I can understand and that person can understand me and maybe, just maybe, we can end up dating or something :P

Okay ANYWAY pardon my round a bout way of getting to my point, it's pretty late and I'm pretty brain dead so yea :/ Oya one more thing I just realized is that just because two person are authentic to each other doesn't mean they are close. Yup so thats about it hai pretty long rant tonight huh? (: So yea gonna talk to God about all these and go to sleep! Nights ^^


Hey blog! Haha it's been a long time since I felt a desire to blog (: Yea well anyway as the title of this post says, I'm officially seventeen now :D Heheh

Yea anyway I was feeling pretty emotional (hence the blog post) about my new year of life so I kinda did my QT as usual when I feel emoish. I thought a bit about life and stuff and I started crying O: Haha I realized how I haven't properly thanked God for this life He has given me. Even as I was giving thanks for His faithfulness in the past 16 years of my life, I started realizing how lucky I was to be chosen as His son, to be adopted as His child and to be cleansed of my sins. Its not to say that just because He claimed me as His own I'd live an easy life, in fact it is usually the other way round. All these years I've been wallowing in self-pity and inferiority complex, I failed to see all that is good in life. I always compared myself to others, that I'm not handsome, not smart, not athletic, not musically inclined, not rich, not charming, not cool, not popular etc etc. However I've come to see that the fact that God has given me a life to experience is more than I could ever thank Him for. So long as I am in Him and He in me, well I guess that should be more than sufficient for me (: I finally understand when people say, be comfortable with yourself. Not because you lower your standards, but because there are better things in life to focus on rather than comparison. Once you take your eyes off yourself and other humans and lock them upon God's glory, all things seem so... I don't know, redundant? I'm really glad God gave me this revelation on this day. I want to spend the rest of this year living life to the fullest. And by that I don't really mean like doing as many things as I can and spending each second doing something beneficial. But rather, shift my gaze from myself and comparing me with others, to living each day for God. I really hope I can stay with this thought, this will be my "new year's resolution".

Another thing I was feeling kinda emo about was once again, girls & relationship *sigh* I mean what would an emo session be without thoughts of girls yea? HAHA! Yea so I was watching Disney's Hercules (this was originally what got me started on being emo btw), gotta love Disney's storyplot. ANYWAY, so Hercules falls in love with this girl who stops believing in love anymore after she got cheated previously (sounds like many girls in this age *haish*). He slowly works his way into her heart and they both died for each other and lived happily ever after (hard to explain go watch yourself xD). Yea so as I was watching the progress of this love story, I slowly thought of myself and wondered what kind of love story would unfold in my life in the future? Will the girl be a naive girl who believes in true love? Or will the girl have a heart of stone, hardened by the broken trust put in guys in the past? Will we fall in love in an instant? Or will I have to work my way into her heart bit by bit? Well getting older sorta got me thinking about all these I guess and all I can say is that as much as I desire an intimate relationship, I know that I am not ready for it. I definitely do not want my girlfriend to have a relationship with the current childish me, I want God to mould me and purify me so that I can be the best man I can be for my future girlfriend (:

Well yea anyway thats all the thoughts I have for tonight, I'm pretty tired after crying so gonna sleep nao X.x haha nights!~


Hai bloggy! Heh been some time since I last posted :D Aye although don't really feel like posting too much stuff here anymore lolll, TOO MANY PEOPLE STARTING TO READ! D: I always thought my blog was a safe place for me to rant, free from community, then suddenly have influx of visitors >:( Haha sian yet another site in which I have to watch what I sayyy~ Sorry bloggeh, I can't be as authentic as I used to be with you anymore ):

Owell~ anw, I'm kinda feeling stressed from normal teenage guys stuffs, academics, religion, girls :/
Hehheh after being in school for 2 weeks or so since holiday ended, I realize I haven't absorbed a single thing from school, mainly cause I don't pay attention xD Haha and things are pretty bad, cause I'm about 2 chapters behind all the subjects I'm taking and exams are just round the corner, next month if I'm not wrong? Haish, I just can't find the will to listen in class, if I find that I'm not understanding what teacher is talking about, my brain just switches off and goes into 'play mode', SMSing ppl, using laptop, sleeping and whatnots :/ Hopefully my last minute studying can save me from lousy grades cause I really need to pull up or at least maintain my 3.6 GPA!! Dang poly sure is taking the discipline outta me :X Been a long time since I felt stressed over schoolwork ROFL!

Aye then religion, namely Christianity! <3 Haha I graduated from my cell a year ago and started cell leadership. After a year of being a leader, I'm starting to understand the pains and responsibility of being a leader, appreciating Van, Jon and Car more each week :/ Its not only just the stuff that I do in cell that matters, but the things I do outside. I have to make sure that my life is right with God, that I'm being a good Christian role-model everywhere I go, that I watch what I say and do. Because all these affect my relationship with God and in turn affects the way I lead the cell members. I'm starting to realize that I hold a great responsibility over their lives and that I have to account to God for each and everyone of them one day. The cell members count on me to follow after God because they are following after me, I never want to have to see them stumble or backslide because I led them in the wrong path... Pretty stressful trying to be a good Christian sometimes, the friends I have in poly... Haha not helping~ And the sins I'm struggling with in my life, affects the way I worship God, affects the way I lead in cell grawrrr! So tired~

Lastly... Girls D: Omg haha nightmare xD I never know what they're thinking ahahaha! Hai don't wanna post too much here due to privacy reasons, I should really get LiveJournal huh? X.x well anyway, so much for protecting their hearts and my heart ROFL! Just hope I don't become like the guys in my school, chatting up girls for the sake of, idk? Bragging rights? Haha yes, the guys in my school brag about how fast they are able to make girls open up to them, brag about how many girls they can flirt with at a single time etc etc. Yup that's guys in engineering for you. I feel sickened by the way they view girls sometimes, but sadly, I can understand the appeal in that. No wonder girls feel so angry at guys sometimes. Yeah anyway, I'm just feeling confused about the messages some girls are sending, how're they feeling about me and stuff~ Not that it matters of course LOL!

Yup but o well, nothing major to really fret over anyway, probably just feeling a little overwhelmed~ I'm still alive, God still loves me and I still have friends so don't have to think too much lah huh :P Just wanna live a simple, easy and carefree life wheeee!~ Heh haven't been doing a good quiet time for sometime, maybe tonight I'll just let God show me things from His perspective and maybe things won't seem like so much of a big deal after all :3


Hey! Its really been a long time since I last blogged haha hai, just felt the urge to express my feelings. I was considering posting on Tumblr but it felt lacking in privacy, besides, didn't wanna shove my feelings into other users' dashboard heh :S

Anyway, tonight the fact that 2011 had arrived had finally hit me. Haha was too busy during New Years, organizing sleepovers and cell outings, preparing for word and worship for cell, getting ready for school and stuff. I knew that a year had come and gone but the emotional part of it never really hit me till today. So this post will be dedicated to 2010.

2010. The year I officially left Temasek Secondary School. The year I joined Tampines JC. Made many new friends there. Dropped out of JC. Entered NgeeAnn Poly. Made many new friends here. Became a leader in sec sch cell. Became a member in poly cell. Made many new friends in cell. Turned 16. Fell in love with a girl who returned the feelings. Experienced deep overwhelming emotions. Got to know a friend better. Joined a poly committee. Dropped out of the committee. Understood the responsibilities of being a spiritual leader. Struggled with sin. Lost the struggle. Entered an all-time spiritual low. Got selected for church camp leadership. Heard God's voice in camp. Came out of camp victorious. Made a girl cry in camp. Made up with the girl. Eyecandy-ed a girl in her cell. Started messaging that girl. May be starting to fall in love again. Experienced the most packed and exciting 2-week holiday of my life.

Basically what I'm trying to say is, 2010 has been a year of great changes. God put me through a lot of situations and taught me many lessons. I made many new friends but old ones faded. It has been a year of great joy and deep sadness. It has also been a year of both closeness and distance from God. Even though I've experienced much and doubted God much, no matter what, God has still brought me through everything and here I am, in a new year.

God is faithful, and I am thankful because no matter what I went through, everything and everyone that happened to me has made me who I am now. So I just want to say: Thank you my Lord God, for bringing me through 2010. Even as I enter 2011, may Your presence continue to be with me.
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There is a season for everything. I realized my season for immaturity has passed. May I grow in maturity even as I become 17.


Be careful of what you ask for, you just might get it. I asked for drama in my life and I got more than what I can bite :/


You know what? I'll trust that this post isn't being read by any church people, and if it is being read, well not my fault I'm still human and the leaders can counsel or whatever me after that. I've really need an outlet for this thing if not I might explode. I definitely can't post it on Facebook due to the 1035 "friends" that I have, can't post it on Twitter due to the word limit, and Tumblr cause the person I'm talking about uses it fervently. So the only outlet I can think of is my blog where its practically dead and no one reads it. The stuff that I'm gonna write in this blog will really sound really retarded to most people, but guess what? This is my problem, if I'm emotionally immature I can't help it can I? So if you're just gonna laugh at my naivety, just gtfo thanks, I don't need you to read my blog.

Yup all started like 2 months or so ago when I was messaging this girl and she was messaging me back. It was really fun and all, took the boredom outta school and stuff. First time a girl messages me so often too, was really a fresh experience for me. Then I found out this girl had a crush in church so I was like really interested to find out who it was lah. She didn't wanna tell me who it was but promised she'll tell me before the crush ended so I didn't pester her to tell me who it was.

Guess what? One night I was talking to a guy about how I might be liking this girl and I was also talking to her about how long it has been since she promised she'd tell me the crush. Then she said she couldn't tell me who the crush was and she changed crush. I tell you, I was really super sian after that. Took a jog to get my mind off things. Well admittedly it WAS my fault as a leader not protecting my own heart so well can't blame anyone. What made me so sian was not cause she broke her promise or anything but that she kept me guessing even though she changed crush.

Alright so that was last Sunday when I made that discovery. So I was really moody after that. Monday I took my last paper and Tues the guy sleptover at my house, on Wed I went overseas with my family and well on Thurs and Fri the guy invited me to sleepover at his house and I though oh what the heck might as well. I told him everything and he managed to find out from the girl that her crush was actually me and that she really don't have a new crush. Normally I would have been happy ttm since no girl has actually liked me before. But now you've got to understand I'm a leader in church and she was my cell member and I might as well be diving into a pool of magma. So anyway went to his house to take my mind off things for awhile and I really thought that he could help me and understand me. Oh yea btw he's also my cell member. I thought I was fine with everything already and I got over it and all so I happily went to church on Sat with him. I didn't realize that seeing her affected me so much. Like she was complaining throughout the week that I was daoing her but I realized that she was actually daoing me in church every week and we talked only on MSN or SMS. Then I also don't know what went wrong with me, maybe cause it was night and all but I got the super emo feeling again. I can't explain why I feel emo sometimes and I feel so retarded. But whatever lah huh, it was the first time in a long time I could be alone at home at night. Luckily I borrowed a chunk load of Archie comics from the guy's house to read and get my mind off the matter. I felt tired eventually and just fell asleep. Now its Sunday which is today. It is the day now and well I don't usually emo during the day so I felt pretty alright, ate my lunch and lounging at the computer as usual. Then I received a message from that guy telling me the girl was emoing to him about this thing on MSN through video call and I think he's got fed up or something or got influenced by her emoing and told me to do lots of stuff and to "protect her damn heart... haha" =.= after that message I felt so angry and frustrated. I mean I slept over at his house for 2 nights, let my pride as a leader down and told him everything that I was struggling with, and one video call from a girl emoing and he tells me this kind of crap. What an asshole. I mean, he's been through a lot of this kind of stuff cause he's really popular with the girls and stuff, lots of girls fell for him and HE tells me to protect her damn heart, uhmm really just the advice I needed from a guy like you dude, thanks a lot.

Okay I really hope no one reads this post cause I also feel really stupid posting it online, but it feels better than ranting to a wall anyway. I can't rant to my cell members well, cause I'm a leader and I gotta hold myself like one. I can't rant to my cell leaders cause they're gonna tell me the same old thing about protecting girls hearts and setting boundaries and how I shouldn't be affected by this kind of thing, neither can I rant it to friends outside church cause they're gonna be like "awww poor you, just pray and lift it to God lah (:" and like I don't know that and they won't know exactly whats going on in my church either. I also ranted to that guy but see how things turned out? So too bad lor, poor me have to rant to a stupid online web page.

FML


Last night was probably the weirdest night, excluding the fact that I slept for nearly 15 hours from 1am to 4pm LOL. I had this dream that I was having cell (of nearly 30 ppl) in my teensy-weensy bedroom (go figure :/). The topic we were sharing about was "sin".

We were like taking turns talking about sin, our thoughts on it, sins we did in the past and stuff like that. Halfway through the sharing I just went up onto my double-decker bed and lay down (I know, I'm such a pig haha!). The sharing continued and finally it was my turn and I was last to share (weird how I remember details like that).

Somehow I had what I wanted to share in my head all ready, and I was asleep! Not in my dream but like I was asleep and dreaming and somehow I came up with this statement: "Sin is not really what you do but with what intention you do it. No matter what you do, if you do it without having worshiping God in mind, its a sin. Which is why I really sin like 6 out of 7 days a week lah haha! (I'm a joker even in my sleep ._.) Cause I know I do things without that in mind except in church, and even some days I'm guilty of that. BUT when you do sin, always come back to God, cause (actually I can't really remember the exact words I said after this point but the gist of it's the same :P) He really loves you and wants to hear from you. It may be hard to not feel unworthy but you don't have to feel that way. He is merciful and slow to anger so come back to Him."

As much as its amazing how I managed to create all those logical stuff in my sleep, the more awesome thing is that it really spoke to me. Like the words I said, I can really relate to it especially at that point of time cause I felt really sinful and stuff and couldn't do my quiet time properly. But this reminded me once again that that shouldn't be the case. I can't really remember but I think this is the first time God spoke to me through a dream and yea its really cool (: Think I'm gonna do QT again tonight!


Oh her eyes, her eyes
Make the stars look like they're not shining
Her hair, her hair
Falls perfectly without her trying

She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Yeah I know, I know
When I compliment her
She wont believe me
And its so, its so
Sad to think she don't see what I see

But every time she asks me do I look okay
I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

Her lips, her lips
I could kiss them all day if she'd let me
Her laugh, her laugh
She hates but I think its so sexy

She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Oh you know, you know, you know
Id never ask you to change
If perfect is what you're searching for
Then just stay the same

So don't even bother asking
If you look okay
You know I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

The way you are
The way you are
Girl you're amazing
Just the way you are


Alright! I’m starting on Day 1 of the 30 days challenge, hopefully I’ll be able to persevere on in this ;P Anyway, there is no such thing as “best friend” for me. I believe that all friends are important in your life, its just who you enjoy being with most. In my case there’re 3 prominent cliques in my life that I enjoy being with most.

Secondary School clique: RuiJie, Sarah, JingYu, WeiXuan, Amanda, YongHan, Jillian, SinPong & Warren. These people are machiam my family members like that. Whenever I see them I feel like home, no matter how long we’ve been apart I still feel comfortable hanging out with them. We also shared many memorable times during secondary school, which incidentally, are also the most treasured memories in my life. Lastly, they’re the ones who probably first appreciated me for who I am in school and I really thank God for putting them in my life (:

Junior College clique: These peeps include my class and OG mates. There are too many people to type out here but for those who are reading, you know who you are :D Even though I was with them for only a mere few months, I still feel pretty bonded with them. When I’m with them I feel free to be myself: do retarded things and not feel judged, talk about “stuff” and not feel ashamed. They’re probably the friendliest, funniest, accepting people I’ve ever met and I don’t regret wasting my holidays going to JC just to meet them (:

Bedok Cell: Last but not least, my secondary school church cell! These people are the ones that truly made an impact in my life. These people first accepted the childish me as I was. They were the ones who invested in my life and looked past my previous self into who I could be. They were the ones who believed in me. I have become who I am today because of them and words can't express my gratitude to them and to God who placed them in my life (:

P.S - AND FOR THE REST OF YOU THAT MADE MY LIFE MORE BEARABLE IN THIS IMPERFECT WORLD, THANKYOU TOO!! C:

P.P.S - Thank you Lord, for being my bestest and most reliable friend ever <3