Okay hey blog, its really been a long time ahahaha~ Yup there're lotsa ppl chasing me for a new post (you know who you are ;P) heh so I'll post one, anw its really been long overdue and there're things going on in my head that I will probably feel better if I type it out. This blog was supposed to be a journal for my walk with God as stated in my last entry, like my prayer life and stuff. But its really been an epic fail haha out of all the 3 commitments I made out of this 21 days of challenge, I only completed one and that is going for at least 3 prayer meetings. This I done pretty well I guess, I went for more than 6, twice the requirement. However I didn't pray everyday and I have not fasted 3 days yet. I really tried to pray once a day but I don't know whats stopping me, I want to pray but just don't have that discipline haish bleahhh, don't even have to talk about touching my Bible. Tsk. I feel real bad cause I'm supposed to be a leader for my Secondary Sch cell... Maybe I'm not meant to be a leader? Heh~ Well time will tell I guess. Recently I've also been feeling really disoreintated, you know like the moving from JC to poly decision. Makes me feel like the time I've spent in JC is all a dream. All the friends I made, the class I'm in, the lessons I've learnt... Like all going to waste /: Aye then I'm getting another fresh start in poly, sorta like restarting a save file in a game LOL haha yea but it kinda feels that way, everything is gonna begin from ground zero again. Gotta make new friends, get used to new environment and everything (RAWR)! Really, I'm typing this with alot of fustration. If not for the moronic MOE system where only Amaths students can take H2 maths I wouldn't have to go through all these changes. Makes me feel kinda guilty changing too cause I think that God may have actually meant for me to continue in JC and I disobeyed. I really hate thinking so much and changing so much, if ppl know me well, I'm a really simple guy, I dislike thinking about subjects such as Boy/girl relationships and religion because it gets very complicated not only mentally but emotionally also. My motto is just to live life simpliy, easily and carefreely, but apparently life ain't that kind /: I'm really feeling overwhelmed by things in life, the roles I have to play, being a leader, a friend, a cell group member, a student, a child whatever have you. Normal ppl don't even notice these stuff but I struggle with it. I just read a book b4 writing this post. It is a personal log of a man who is mentally retarded, he started off cheerful and honest, ignorant about things around him, blur like sotong like that, but happy. Then due to his thirst for knowledge, he allowed scientists to conduct an operation on him that allows his IQ to drasitcally increase, causing him to become an intellectual genius in a matter of months. However, his emotions couldn't catch up with his intellegence and he ended up a very sad person. I can kinda relate to him. During my primary school days and lower sec days, I was always very blur, didn't know what was going on around me, laughing along even though ppl are teasing me. Even though I didn't know much then and was quite fustrated when I couldn't understand stuff, I was happy most of the time, without responsibilities. But after Sec 3, I began to understand more things, for the first time I could see things from different perspectives and, to be thick-skinned, I felt smarter. But more responsibilites came with it, I think a lot more and I get confused a lot more and I'm as fustrated, maybe more than I was previously. I'm talking a little too much lah haha! Anw for those who are willing to read up to this point, sorry and thankyou haha ;P I wanna go on and on actually, alot of thoughts in my head but thankfully (for you) its hard for me to put it into words and its getting late, so I'll end off here =D Once again, thanks for anyone who actually read finish this post. This is a disorientated me signing off~
--------------------------------------------------------------
Personal Message: Sometime life really gets too complicated... Farmer ftw, just plant crops and harvest crops, few other worries.