Get back on track. This is what's been on my mind for the past few days. It seems that I am starting to fall back to my previous ways, not unlike that before church camp. I feel very unconnected with God, and I feel numb towards it. Thats what scares me the most. Although I have been steadily attending church for services and cell, I feel that my growth is stagnant, and stangnancy leads to back-sliding. Not say I haven't been learning anything or enjoying church, but I feel that spiritually, nothing is growing. In fact, I may even be worsening. Crap. Sometimes I really feel that the phrase: 'Ignorance is a bliss', is quite true to a certain extent. After attending the camp, I have learnt so much and felt so much, that not continuing to behave or feel that way makes me feel sometimes, guilty. This sucks. Its exactly like the Israelites before they received the Ten Commandmants. Previously, they were able to commit all the sins they want, and were able to get away with it. After knowing better, God punished every crime that they commited severely, solely for the fact that they knew that it was wrong. Same feeling for me now. Before camp, I may or may not have done things that was for God's glory. I did not know and did not care. But after the camp, I knew better, therefore not doing, or doing things that are not in line with God's purpose for me will make me feel bad. Not really because I'm not obeying God's law, but really because I know that my actions, or lack of it will cause me to drift further away from Him. So now, I want to start anew. From like that time in camp, to have that desire and passion to know God more, to love time spent with Him. I don't want Time to be the culprit for my drifting apart from God. It will be so hypocritical when I sing stuff like: "Nothing can keep us apart...". I hate losing sight of my goals. Not only spritual ones but earthly ones. Example, being mature. Did not I say that you can expect a new Gabriel? Am I not a man of my words? Well one thing's for sure... I'm definitely not gonna be the opposite of that. I will not be a person unworthy of people's trust.